Unity Inner Active
Murfreesboro TN

Rev. Sam and Shirley Bowman  

Minister  

 

 

816-237-6951  

 

Click here to contact Rev. Sam and Shirley Bowman  

If you’re like most people, you’re always kind and supportive towards your friends, family, neighbors and especially towards children who are struggling, but you don’t always extend that same compassion to yourself. In fact, you’re more likely to beat yourself up when you make a mistake. You may tell yourself you’re a bad person, you’re stupid, you’re not worthy; or you might throw yourself a pity party.

We all fail at some time in our lives. We all experience hardships. We all make mistakes. It’s part of being human. In fact, if we don’t make mistakes, we’re not living our lives as fully as we could be. Making mistakes is part of the learning process.

One thing I’ve learned is that beating myself up every time I make a mistake is counter-productive. It leads to anxiety and depression. However, when I embrace what I’m feeling, whether it’s guilt, shame, self-condemnation, or even fear, and give myself compassion, I feel more courageous, more capable and more optimistic.

In a recent article in the Shambala Sun (Volume 24, Number 2, Nov. 2015), Kristen Neff wrote: Self-compassion is one of the most powerful sources of strength and resilience yet discovered!

According to Neff, one the biggest blocks to self-compassion is the mistaken idea that it will undermine our motivation to become a better person. But, Neff asks, would a good coach or a loving parent undermine an athlete or a child with ruthless criticism? Would they destroy their confidence by telling them they’re a hopeless failure? Of course not! Instead they would motivate them with kind and encouraging words. They would reassure them that we all make mistakes. They would give them the love and support they need in order to improve and achieve success.

She goes on to say that self- criticism arises from fear, but self-compassion motivates us with love. It encourages us to achieve our goals because we care about ourselves, we want to thrive, we want to learn new skills and try new things. It gives us the safety to acknowledge our weaknesses and come from a place of strength. Knowing that we all make mistakes relieves our feelings of self-pity and our sense of isolation and increases our sense of connection to others. It leads us to be even more compassionate towards others.

So how do we change self-condemnation or self-pity to self-compassion? Neff recommends that we make self-compassion a regular spiritual practice by using this simple meditation technique:

Three Step Self-Compassion Meditation

1. Put both hands over your heart, pause, and feel their warmth. You can also put your hands anyplace on your body that needs soothing and comforting.

2. Breathe deeply in and out.

3. Speak 4 phrases to be mindful of what you’re experiencing. Speak these words to yourself, either silently or out loud, in a warm and caring tone.

First: I’m having a really hard time right now.

OR This hurts.

OR Any words that describe what you’re feeling, such as 'I’m feeling worthless, scared, etc.'

Second: Remind yourself that imperfection is a part of the shared human experience. For the second phrase, choose from the following words:

Everyone feels this way sometimes.

OR This is part of being human.

Third: Bring a sense of caring and concern to your present experience. Choose from the following words:

May I be kind to myself in this moment.

OR May I love and support myself right now.

OR May I accept myself just the way I am.

Fourth: Finally, set an intention for self-compassion. Choose from the following:

May I give myself the compassion I need.

OR May I remember that I am worthy of compassion.

OR May I give myself the same compassion I would give to a good friend.

Find whatever 4 phrases work best for you and memorize them.

For example:

I’m having a really hard time right now.

Everyone feels this way sometimes.

May I love and support myself right now.

May I give myself the same compassion I would give to a good friend.

Practice these 3 steps using the 4 phrases you have chosen several times until they are embedded in your consciousness. Then, the next time you judge yourself harshly or have a difficult experience, you can use these phrases to remind yourself to give yourself the compassion you so richly deserve. Use this Self-Compassion Meditation to soothe your troubled mind, calm your emotions, and give yourself the gifts of courage, confidence, strength and inner peace.

Light, Love and Blessings,

Rev. Shirley Bowman  

 

 

 

 

615-692-4636  

 

Click here to contact the church